Soon.....Very Soon!

Almost your turn Ike!


Steve, me, and Zad outside the Mesa, AZ Temple the day he was sealed to us!

Strong Women

These are my birth mamas; Hannah and Norma.
Actually they are respectively Ike's and Zadok's birth mothers.

Hannah, me, and Norma on Ike's Placement Day

But I like to refer to them as my birth mother's as well, as I so clearly and apparently a little possessively stated to Mrs. R a few weeks ago at our adoption conference.
But that is another story (an embarrassing one) and after a summer of truly sticking my foot in my mouth, one that I am not ready to tell publicly yet. See me in person for the low down!

This picture was taken on Ike's placement day just a little while before Hannah sweetly and tearfully signed her rights to be his mother over to me.
It is always a sacred moment.

It's a moment when a thousand images and memories of myself flood my mind. I try to take in the fact that I will forever be this child's mother.
In that moment I want to be everything I think that little boy will ever need and everything I think he deserves.
In that moment I feel very weak and very inadequate.


All summer I have barely even been able to look at this picture, knowing it would bring on a flood of emotions. These two women chose me to be the mother to their precious sons. My partners, to give these baby boys the best we each can.
Yes, Steve is there too, don't think I'm letting him off the hook.
But really, I feel so much gratitude to my Heavenly Father that I have each of these women in my life. That I am not alone in doing what is best for them.
They inspire me to be a better mother on a daily basis.

In moments where I feel weak, out of patience, tired, cranky and ready to lose it on some days, I think of them. I think of each of those women of strength; Norma and Hannah. How they willingly chose something better. They each have made me a better mother.
What insight the Lord had when He designed this plan, He knew what I needed.
I needed these strong, brave women, close to me to show me the way.

Hannah with Ike and Norma with Zad


After adopting Zadok, I had and still have a hard time understanding how Norma chose us essentially, to take her place. I feel the same about Hannah. I always want to ask, but never do, "Are you sure?" Not Steve so much, but me, are you sure?

After Zadok was placed with us, I started to see motherhood and becoming a mother through adoption very differently. When a baby is formed and grows in your own body, Heavenly Father has placed that child there. He has chosen you. True that's it's also just a fact of the birds and the bees, but after trying for 11 years, I strongly believe heaven plays a big role in it as well.
Our Father in Heaven who can see us clearly for all that we are and all that we lack has chosen that woman to do what she feels is in the best interest of that child.
For most, that is to become a mother to that child.


Open adoption is entirely different, mortals dealing with mortals.
Each with their own history, experiences, and let's just say baggage.
Yet it seems that for a time at least, we are all able to see each other as God sees us.
This is truly is one of the miracles of adoption.
One I never saw coming until I was in it. A chance to see these amazing women as God sees them.
Let me tell you, they are beautiful!
Beautiful in a way that maybe only a few can see. But let me just say this, if you could see them as I do, you would stand in amazement and then kneel in humility for just the opportunity to know them.

Hannah holding Ike moments before signing.

Two Adoption ROCK STARS....and I Know Them!!!

Audra, Steve holding new little Zadok, me, and Sharon at Zadok's placement in February 2009

Audra and Sharon have both been our case workers for our two adoptions.
They both are rock stars in our book.

Audra and her husband have been our friends since about 2001, is that right Audra?
We met them when we were all in the same ward and Audra and I both served with the young women. We developed quite a friendship with them and have some crazy memories.
We all ditched out on a ward Christmas party long ago to go see The Ring, something I still regret (I hate scary movies).
We drove all night the day after Christmas one year to go to Magic Mountain and then all four of us stayed in the same hotel room.
Another time, we crammed ourselves and another couple into a van filled with poles for a huge canopy for 5 hours to Mexico. Steve somehow injured his back on that trip and limped like a crippled up zombie the whole week. Audra had her hair braided into corn rows and I bought a mini accordion which her husband played I'm A Child of God on endlessly and then offered it up as a bribe at the border. Crazy fun times with those two.

When Steve and I attended the Families Supporting Adoption Conference in August 2008, we met up with Audra whom we hadn't seen in about 2 years. We were thrilled to learn she had just taken a job with LDS Family Services as a case worker; we thought for sure she could lead us to our baby. Five months later, she introduced us to Norma after Norma had interviewed another couple that didn't feel quite right. Two days later we were parents.

We met Sharon at Zadok's placement.
After his placement I started doing outreach events with Norma.
Sharon, Norma and I; sometimes with another birth mom or two would speak in high school or college classes about our experience in an effort to educate and promote a positive view of adoption. Sharon, who was at the time our case worker kept asking if we were going to be ready to adopt again.
I said yes even though at the time I really didn't think anything would come of it so soon.

Last December I attended Pamper Night at the birth parent group with Norma and Zadok. It's a night when the birth parents are pampered with massage, manicures, jewelry making, fun crafts and yummy food often provided by adoptive moms and other adoption workers.
Even before I started going with Norma it was a night I never missed, I love it. It gives me a chance to get to know birth moms and show my appreciation for them.
Hannah and I met and visited for a little while that night without either one of us knowing the other was looking. When Sharon asked her if she felt a connection with anyone, she said, "Yes that blond girl was really nice and her little boy is so cute." Thank you Zada!
I guess Zadok had been flirtin' it up with Hannah that night; raising one eyebrow, flashing his big grin and big brown eyes, and patting her tummy.
Hannah took it as a sign and Sharon thought we were a great fit.
Six months later Hannah and I were in the operating room holding hands as Ike was born.

Sharon really went above and beyond for all of us during those six months of waiting for Ike. In June Audra and Sharon were both there with us again at Ike's placement.

What a blessing case workers are! These two are especially amazing. In the time we have been involved with LDS Family Services they have started the birth parent group which has given support to many, many birth moms, birth dads (yes I have met a few there) and their families. This group takes a yearly retreat together, which I can only imagine as being incredibly fun and uplifting.
Each week they meet to give each other support, discuss resources and talk about all the aspects of single parenting, adoption, and getting married as options.
Recently the group has grown so much, they have started a second!
Isn't just what you would want if you were dealing with an unplanned pregnancy?

If you are interested in being a part of this group in any way you can go here for more info.

Thank you Audra and Sharon for helping us grow our family and giving such great support and love to all the birth parents you come in contact with.
We love you!

Some of my Favorite Adoption Books For Children

I have been collecting adoption books for about 3 years now.
I used to go out and buy childrens books for years while we were trying to conceive as a way to cope and then I started buying adoption books while we were looking for our birth moms.
It was very comforting to sit in a bookstore and then at home reading them and imagining myself reading to my children. Isn't it fun when dreams come true?
Here's a very short list. I would love to know what yours are.



Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
One of my favorites by far. I still can't get through this one without crying. I think it gives an accurate look of how excited adoptive parents are when they find out they have been chosen and get to go get their baby. This book has great illustrations that are funny and heart warming without giving a negative impression of the birth parents (one of my biggest peeves about adoption books for children).

I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose A. Lewis
This is a great book for anyone adopting from China as it is very specific to China. I like that it mentions the birth mom respectively and talks about the long journey it is to adopt.

A Mother For Choco by Keiko Kasza
I have mixed feelings about this book. I love that it shows that adoptive parents and their children do not have to look like one another to be in the same family. It approaches the subject in a way I think young children can understand by having the characters of the book as different animals. For obvious reasons, I hate the title and the first part of the story of the "child" played by a bird going around looking for a mother as if adopted children are simply abandoned. I believe even in countries where children are in orphanages or foster care no mother simply walks away from her child.

Little Miss Spider by David Kirk
This book is from a series of books about Miss Spider and I really appreciate that the author chose to focus one of the books on adoption. It's a great story about a little spider looking for the right home, I like this even though I don't believe it's very accurate. Most children or babies have many caring adults helping to make that decision. My only complaint about this book is the last page which says, "For finding your mother, there's one certain test. You must look for the creature who loves you the best." Cute rhythm but extremely offensive, especially to those of us involved with open adoption. I don't think anyone would or should attempt to measure who has the greatest love for a child, especially those children lucky enough to be part of an adoption. These children have many, many people in their lives that love them far beyond what someone could call the best. Children of adoption are often loved from afar by people they may never meet or see that often but none the less that love is deep and undying.

The Best For You by Kelsey Stewart
I don't actually have this book (hint, hint for anyone out there looking for Christmas gift for our family....Mom, Dad, Diane?) I have not even read this book but I have heard many rave about how wonderful it is, not to mention it is written from an LDS perspective. I had hoped to win it in the raffle at the Southwest Regional Families Supporting Adoption Conference a few weeks ago, but alas I did not. AGAIN, hint, hint.....but I know my mom won't even read this till February. Love you Mom!

National Adoption Month!

Zadok's adoption finalization last year


Guess what? It's officially the start of
National Adoption Month!
That's right, every
November is National Adoption Month
right here in the United States.


National Adoption Day this year is November 20. On National Adoption Day (which is always a Saturday), juvenile courts all over the country are open to finalize thousands of adoptions! Here in Phoenix, we are expecting to finalize 320 adoptions! It is truly a day to celebrate as families all over the country are being created! You can check out what we will be doing that day here
National Adoption Day in Phoenix, AZ.


So spread the word, it's National Adoption Month! Hooray!

15 Years!

At a "married" dance at Ricks College a few months after we were married

Yes, it's quite amazing to me, we have been married for 15 years today! We both think it feels more like six. Yet somehow it's been more than double that!

We really only have one tradition on our anniversary, we have done it since our very first anniversary and that is to look back on the last year and each come up with our top five favorite events. We used to do the five best and five worst events of the past year but that got ugly so now we just focus on the positive. :) I wish for anything that I would have recorded these over the years because I am sure they would bring back such great memories that would make us laugh now or maybe cry. Interestingly enough often our favorite events have been some of the hardest, like in '99 when we both listed Steve's plane crash or in '07 when we both cried and talked about finding out we would never have our own biological child. Somehow, those really hard events end up being the best because they always bring us closer together. Last year of course we both listed Zad as our top favorite event, this year I'm sure it will be Ike.

We laid in bed last night reminiscing about how we started out; a car with an oil leak and dead starter that we push started in our wedding clothes at the Buttes on our wedding night after we repeatedly turned down the valet service. The apartment we moved into in Rexburg, ID that was over a dentist office and dance club (only in Rexburg) that cost us $235/month, furnished. That meant a double bed that was broken so bad on one side that usually one of us had fallen out of it by the morning at least once and a loveseat with no legs and so low to the ground that Steve's knees were in his chest when he sat down. The bathtub/shower would leak down to the dentist office which meant that one morning we were told we could not use our bathroom after 9am anymore because it disturbed the patients below. On Friday and Saturday nights the floor would vibrate from the music of the dance club and we watched the OJ Simpson trial wrap up on our 15 inch TV. I remember coming home from class and seeing boxes outside our door filled with china and crystal people had sent as wedding gifts and thinking that somehow those things didn't belong in our 350 square foot ghetto apartment. Thank goodness we only lived there a month before we moved into the government housing of Rexburg. It actually was a huge step up.


In our 2nd apartment in Rexburg
Somehow, here we are 15 years later in a comfortable, quiet home with comfortable furniture, trucks that run well, two college degrees, two secure jobs, and two little boys that look anything but like us! :) We are so blessed and I am so blessed to have had Steve for this whole journey. There is no one I would have rather been with.

Steve is still all the wonderful things he was to me back then only better now. He still tells me he loves me multiple times a day, still pulls me in for big giant bear hugs and long kisses, he still notices any changes I've made to my hair or anything else and almost always loves it, he still whistles when I dress up nice and still loves me with no makeup and in work clothes. He still makes delicious meals every Sunday and helps out around the house with dishes or laundry or whatever he sees that needs to be done. Although what he sees and what I see are a little different..... :)
He still encourages me with anything I want to do and will research or help me find ways to be successful. He still prays with me night and morning, reads scriptures with me, dances with me in the kitchen, somehow gets me to laugh when I'm upset, and holds me when I cry. He still tells me I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him. I love him so much, but who wouldn't?


Just before the Valentine's Dance at Ricks College in '95, one of our first dates

I have a doctor that has taken care of me for about 13 years; we first met when I was really sick at 21 and Steve and I had only been married a couple years. Every time he sees me he asks how Steve is and every time I say, "He's the best." One time Dr. Shahon said, "You always say that, he really is the best in your eyes isn't he?" Yes, yes he is.

The first time I became really ill after we were married, we lived in Mesa in a third floor apartment and I was so weak that I couldn't barely make it to the bathroom. He would carry me up and down those stairs for days until I was strong enough again. It was incredibly humbling at age 21; only two weeks before I had run in my first 5K race.

What an amazing 15 years we have had! For all these reasons and a million more I love you Steve, thank you for the happiest years of my life!


In front of my apartment at Ricks College during Mother's Week, where my mom met Steve for the 1st time. Ummm, she wanted him gone!

Have YOU ever thought....?

Maybe you are married and young and just starting out....

Maybe you are married with a few children....

Maybe your children are already raised but still have more to give to a child....

Maybe you are unable to bear children of your own....

Maybe you feel bearing anymore children would not be good for your health....



Lately, I have been feeling the stirrings in my heart of more children meant for my family. I know, crazy right? We have not even had Ike for 2 months....yet I know there are others out there waiting for us to find one another. Although I don't feel ready to bring them home just now, my heart knows they are there just waiting for their time.

Orphans have been on my mind a lot in the months since the earthquake hit Haiti. So naturally I begin to wonder if I have a child there or somewhere out there living life as an orphan.

There are an estimated 145 million orphans in the world today, with just over 100,000 in the United States. In the U.S. we do not call these children orphans, we call them foster children.

Maybe there is one out there meant for your family...