Strong Women

These are my birth mamas; Hannah and Norma.
Actually they are respectively Ike's and Zadok's birth mothers.

Hannah, me, and Norma on Ike's Placement Day

But I like to refer to them as my birth mother's as well, as I so clearly and apparently a little possessively stated to Mrs. R a few weeks ago at our adoption conference.
But that is another story (an embarrassing one) and after a summer of truly sticking my foot in my mouth, one that I am not ready to tell publicly yet. See me in person for the low down!

This picture was taken on Ike's placement day just a little while before Hannah sweetly and tearfully signed her rights to be his mother over to me.
It is always a sacred moment.

It's a moment when a thousand images and memories of myself flood my mind. I try to take in the fact that I will forever be this child's mother.
In that moment I want to be everything I think that little boy will ever need and everything I think he deserves.
In that moment I feel very weak and very inadequate.


All summer I have barely even been able to look at this picture, knowing it would bring on a flood of emotions. These two women chose me to be the mother to their precious sons. My partners, to give these baby boys the best we each can.
Yes, Steve is there too, don't think I'm letting him off the hook.
But really, I feel so much gratitude to my Heavenly Father that I have each of these women in my life. That I am not alone in doing what is best for them.
They inspire me to be a better mother on a daily basis.

In moments where I feel weak, out of patience, tired, cranky and ready to lose it on some days, I think of them. I think of each of those women of strength; Norma and Hannah. How they willingly chose something better. They each have made me a better mother.
What insight the Lord had when He designed this plan, He knew what I needed.
I needed these strong, brave women, close to me to show me the way.

Hannah with Ike and Norma with Zad


After adopting Zadok, I had and still have a hard time understanding how Norma chose us essentially, to take her place. I feel the same about Hannah. I always want to ask, but never do, "Are you sure?" Not Steve so much, but me, are you sure?

After Zadok was placed with us, I started to see motherhood and becoming a mother through adoption very differently. When a baby is formed and grows in your own body, Heavenly Father has placed that child there. He has chosen you. True that's it's also just a fact of the birds and the bees, but after trying for 11 years, I strongly believe heaven plays a big role in it as well.
Our Father in Heaven who can see us clearly for all that we are and all that we lack has chosen that woman to do what she feels is in the best interest of that child.
For most, that is to become a mother to that child.


Open adoption is entirely different, mortals dealing with mortals.
Each with their own history, experiences, and let's just say baggage.
Yet it seems that for a time at least, we are all able to see each other as God sees us.
This is truly is one of the miracles of adoption.
One I never saw coming until I was in it. A chance to see these amazing women as God sees them.
Let me tell you, they are beautiful!
Beautiful in a way that maybe only a few can see. But let me just say this, if you could see them as I do, you would stand in amazement and then kneel in humility for just the opportunity to know them.

Hannah holding Ike moments before signing.