Hail to My Birth Mothers....You Deserve Every Honor.

I absolutely had to post this on my blog as soon as I read it. In fact I just finished reading it twice. Once to myself and once aloud to Steve. It is one of the most well written articles I have ever read on adoption and birth mothers.

Thank you Raina Kelley and thank you Newsweek for bringing it to the world. Thank you for saying so clearly what I have felt for years. The next time I try to explain to someone why we chose adoption, why we choose open adoption at that, or why I love my children as if they were born of me I will pull out this article and read it to them. Because my children are born of me, not of my womb but of my heart.

Sometimes, when people ask me why I care so deeply and am so affected by the women who willing place their babies with me I want to ask them to think about how much they love their children. Then ask them that if you were to witness a woman in a state of such humility that she chose to break her own heart to place her child in your arms would your heart not break just a little too? When she tells you that you are the best thing she can imagine for her child, would you not also feel so humble that you hardly feel worthy of the task? Would you not forever after smile when you heard her name, wonder if you in her position would have that kind of strength when you see that child do something great, and when you kneel down to thank your Heavenly Father for that child, could you not also thank Him for her?

Love this article!

Bambino #2....Where are You???? We can't wait!

So I just have to blog real quick and say how excited I am getting to have a new little baby boy in our house! It has finally hit me! I am getting so EXCITED!!!! We have spent the past few months doing so much prep that I feel like I have just been buried in all the work and worry that comes with adopting a baby but here we are with only a week maybe two to go and I just feel so happy and peaceful and excited!


I am also falling in love with a little toddler I now have, Zadok! He's just so much fun. He has always had a very fun personality, very happy, laid back, and carefree but lately he is just hilarious too. Belly laughing at the funniest things, playing chase with us, and hiding from us to to only jump and out and start laughing again! I love it all!

Zadok will be 16 months tomorrow! Right now he loves toothbrushes, pie pans, swimming, cuddling with daddy, Teddy Grahams, yogurt, any fruit, well actually any food that we are eating. I love him to pieces and worry about splitting my time and attention between two cute boys. Somehow it will all work out.

Here we all are celebrating Birth Mother's Day, the day before Mother's Day (if you don't already know); very appropriate I think since brave women like Norma make motherhood possible for barren women like me....that's supposed to be a little funny. The barren part, not the birth mother part.

We went to Fajitas, our favorite and a tradition we started last year with Norma, even funnier I'm wearing the same dress I did last year, hopefully that won't be a part of the tradition too!

And yes, he had fallen earlier in the day on the pool deck, his second big fall for the day. The first was covered by his voluminous hair.





We celebrated earlier in the day with Hannah at a baby shower, graciously given by Hannah's mother, April. It was so nice to meet all her friends and family who came out and showed their support for Hannah and her incredible decision to place her baby with us.

We love our Norma and we love our Hannah.

Zadok getting his haircut earlier today as we make the final preparations for our new arrival. I can't believe it's coming so soon, and I still have so much to get ready!



Well I'm off to paint the boys room, buy Z some new shoes (one fell off in Walmart yesterday...we've only had them 2 weeks), make and freeze some dinners, and maybe just fit in a massage! Definitely appreciating the not being pregnant part of the last few weeks of preparing for a baby, thank you Hannah! You're really doing the tough work.



Maybe my next post will be about Isaac, or Magnus, or Maksim, or Edgar, or Asher, or....who knows what we will name him!

Can't get enough of this!

Has there ever been a better commercial? I don't think so.

Multiplying and Replenishing

So I've been talking with a friend this week about the commandment to multiply and replenish the Earth, or in other words bear children. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder-Day Saints we are commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth with children.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” It goes on to say, "We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

I have always loved these statements addressed to the world. They were received by revelation from God to the the prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, along with the 12 Apostles called for our day. The Proclamation was introduced just a month after Steve and I were married. Recently I have had an even deeper love for the Proclamation on the Family largely because it is one of the reasons Norma felt little Bubba needed to be placed for adoption. It's words have been sweet to me though I am sure they have been bitter at times to any woman facing a unplanned pregnancy. However, I believe in the truthfulness of these words. Now, I read it for inspiration, peace, and to help me make difficult decisions that sometimes taste bitter to me too.

I can understand how the command to multiply and replenish the Earth can be difficult to understand, cause people to feel uncomfortable, and even offended. It is a huge, life long commitment to have a child, one that I believe will take everything of a person when they are seeking the best for that child. But that is exactly what I believe the Lord expects of us, our everything in this life. Whether that is asked of us through our children or simply through our path in life even if we never marry, never have children, or any of the things we may have dreamed of. He still asks for everything, that is the only way we will be able to return to Him.

This is much the way I am feeling about adoption lately. It is asking of me everything I have to offer and much I do not feel I have. Often, when people find out we are adopting or even people who have known us all along will say something like, "You are so lucky not to have to go through pregnancy and labor," or "You get to have kids the easy way. Lucky you." While I do agree with them in part and am very grateful that my body is not the vessel they come through, I still labor in my own way. Only mine is a labor of the heart. I go through times of feeling my heart has great strength and other times I wonder if it is able to handle all that is asked of it.

Satan, I believe, is in many ways doing all he can to prevent children from coming to good families where they can be sealed to their parents. It is a concern that many are having, see this article.

I think for most couples, especially those that have been married in the temple, Satan works on them long before a child is even conceived. Many people worry about finances, education, where they are at in life, the spacing of children, the ages or personalities of the children they already have, or simply they decide to think about it for awhile and therefore put off what the Lord may have them do.

Now let me just say, before I get a bunch of hate mail or dirty looks from my friends at work or church that I do not in any way want to offend anyone or lead anyone to believe I think they should have more children or I think they are wrong for any of the decisions they make concerning children and their family. I strongly believe that those are only decisions that can be made as a couple with thoughtful prayer and that no one, especially me has the right to say what is right or wrong for anyone but myself.

I only bring this up to make the point that most couples I know seem to struggle with the when, how many, etc. of having children while in the adoption world we seem to struggle more with, "please let them just get here." When you have been sealed in the temple and you are expecting a child your worries over whether that child will have the benefits of an eternal family are I think (I have never been pregnant myself) pretty much over. I don't think many worry over that child being sealed to their family even if a miscarriage occurs or even, heaven forbid the child is not blessed with a body able to sustain life. However, this is all I can think about lately.

I want so desperately for this new little baby, planned, as for now to come to our family, just to make here to us so that we can have him sealed to us. I have even thought more recently, "I know I may be heart broken if he does not end up with us but as long as he goes to a family where he can be sealed, my heart will be at peace." I just want that for him so desperately lately...and it seems so difficult and such a long time away. I feel Satan is working so hard right now to keep this from happening. Just as he works on couples questioning and making the tough decisions as to the children they may have, he is working on us to discourage this adoption, from every side it seems.

I feel, more keenly it seems Satan's power against me whenever I am trying to do anything of an eternal nature. When Steve and I were engaged he worked so hard to keep us from the temple in so many ways. In ways I expected, like tempting us to cross the lines of chastity before be were married all the way to things I never expected like, Steve having a deer jump through his driver side window while driving to Arizona just 5 days before we were to be married.

Most recently, the time between receiving Z to the time we were able to take him to the temple to be sealed to us, Satan really worked us! Those 7 plus months were hard! To the point that at about 3 weeks leading up to his sealing, we cut off every bit of the outside world as possible. We turned off absolutely all TV (this is always more difficult for me than Steve), turned off the radio, didn't watch movies (except for Cars one night!), only listened to conference talks, church or classical music, and avoided people or conversations we knew would turn away the Spirit. We made every effort possible to make our home a sanctuary from the world, a place where we could relax and feel the Spirit without having to battle for every minute of peace. That effort proved to be very powerful and very effective. There was no in for Satan, we gave him no opportunity.

Even the morning of driving to the temple I felt anxious and recall 3 close accidents in the truck (I won't say who was driving :)). It was very stormy, rainy, and overcast and recall the feeling of a blanket being placed on us as we drove as though it just calmed us down and protected us. I was so grateful for that feeling.

So here we are again, battling for the eternal life of this little baby boy. Three plus months and counting, waiting anxiously for bambino #2 to arrive. Which brings on the battle of fighting every minute it seems at times, for peace to reign and our hearts to be at rest. Getting him here is the first battle or part of our labor which will lead to the second; the waiting of papers to be signed, attorneys to be notified, court dates to be decided, court dates to be attended, filing of papers to the state, papers to be filled out for the temple, and one big fat check to be signed. It's a battle I grow weary of at times (for several hours just today) and at other times I am ready with my sword to take down anything that may keep this precious child from getting what he deserves, an eternal family.

Months ago when our caseworker (which is how Hannah found us) asked me while we were out speaking on adoption at a community college if we were ready to have another baby come to us. Steve and I had just discussed this just the night before, we would keep our adoption certification current and in February when we could post our profile we would but may not actively start looking. We would take it slow and feel things out. But when she asked if we would be ready at a year, the words, "Yes, we can't wait to have another," just came out! I remember thinking they had come out of some other mouth but my own and I wanted to say, "What are you thinking? I don't think that!" But the moment was gone and I couldn't get those words out! When I came home and told Steve later that night he was able to get them out just fine. :)

We have prayed several times over whether this was the right child, right time, right situation for our family and for this baby. Each time we feel strongly, "yes, keep going, everything will work out, trust me, have faith." It's a feeling neither of us can deny even when times are hard.




If I had not actually got into this work and been called of God, I would back out. But I cannot back out: I have no doubt of the truth.
Joseph Smith, Jr.

Put me in the Zoo!

So I decided to forget trying to have it all together and just go to the zoo. Our friends have a yearly pass, so we got in for FREE!





Z had a great time, he loved feeding the ducks the most almost as much as watching all the people everywhere. Who says you go to the zoo to see animals, once again I was reminded just how much he loves people. He was a little nervous when we were petting the goats but overall loved his first trip to the zoo.


And, of course we had to finish with a ride on the carousel! Can you tell he was really ready for a nap? Too much to look at to be cranky but those little tired eyes say it all. He was out before we even left the parking lot!


Happy weekend!

Haven't I grown up yet?

Our Baby Bubba, wearing the tie I made him for Valentine's Day.



Do you ever have days when you wonder if you will ever feel on top of it all again? You, know...confident, calm, like you are conquering your life, you have everything under control?

Why in the world did I think I could take on a sewing job in the middle of all I'm doing? Like working two days a week (two very long days a week), planning a couple of big adoption events, which by the way I am the chair of the outreach committee for the Mesa FSA chapter (happy about this but it's a lot), planning for baby boy #2 due to arrive sometime early June, being a ward missionary (yeah...we had our 2nd baptism last Sunday), decorating the "boys room" (I love having a boys room), oh and keeping up with a house and a husband and our adorable little toddler (he started walking in the past 3 days, its been so fun to cheer him on). But what was I thinking? Making two French military coats for Les Miserables??? Come on, I'm 33, I should know better by now.

So I found myself thinking this afternoon....remembering those days of feeling like I had it all together. What does "having it all together" even mean? I surely don't know, at least I don't know it like I used to think I knew it. And I thought we were supposed to get better with age....

Parents for 1 Year!

So most couples celebrate their babies birthdays, we will too. But we, Steve and I, also get to celebrate many other special days, placement days. Today marks one year since our precious, full of life, little boy was placed with us. It was a day I know I will never forget. A day filled with a lot of emotions, most of them bittersweet. Bittersweet with maybe a tad more sweetness is what I feel today too.

Here are some of my thoughts I wrote a year ago about today:

I can't believe...I think I am going on day 5 since we met Zadok and I am still crying over the miracle he is to us. I am soooo tired today, but sooooo happy. Steve and I just keep looking over at each other in an exhausted stupor and smiling at one another while one of us is holding him.

I have so much to tell you about, first Monday the 2nd, his Placement Day. Wow, I don't think I have even begun to process that night, all I know is that it was wonderful and better than I ever imagined. The night could not have gone better. Norma looked beautiful and radiant as she walked in with that precious child, tears streaming down her face. I was worried and as I hugged her asked if she were ok, she said she was just so happy and felt good which then made me happy. I could not be happy without knowing she felt this was right.