So....tomorrow is my first day back at work. I can hardly stand it, my head and heart are a mixture of emotions. I think back to the last day I worked and it seems as though an eternity has passed since then. Even though it has only been a little less than 3 months, my life feels completely different and more real and intense in a way.
I absolutely love my job, always have. Being a nurse has been the most rewarding, frustrating, exhausting, and wonderful way I could ever have spent my time. Many of my patients hold special places in my heart and I have learned things about the very nature of who I am by spending time with people in some of their most trying moments. After being a patient so many times throughout my life I feel a certain bond with them as though I am one of them. I just happen to be having one of my healthier days while taking care of them. I love them. Of course I am saying this now. After my 12+ hour day tomorrow, I will still love them and my job, I will probably just be exhausted and probably really frustrated with all the extras that go with any job.
However, as I held my precious baby while he fell asleep tonight, my heart felt torn. Of course I want to be with my patients, I have missed them but I think the whole of my heart now belongs to Steve and Zadok. Being a mother these past two and half months has meant more to me than I can put into words. Zadok has brought to life in me something that only he could have. And although I have my times of going a little crazy with such a major life change the thought of not being with him for just one day just makes me want to hold him all night.
I know everyone thinks that their baby is the most precious, lovable, sweet, happy, beautiful baby in the world...sorry to disappoint but Zadok wins the prize. He truly is all of that and being without him for even one day seems like too much. As tears came to my eyes again while holding him tonight my mind could not help but think of Norma. Have I mentioned lately how amazing, loving, unselfish, and wonderful she is?
So off I go...and as Steve says, get ready to run. You see my life has felt about as fast as 15 miles an hour. Back to 100 mph, bright and early!
7 comments:
"...the thought of not being with him for just one day just makes me want to hold him all night."
Profound. Touching. You are most definitely a Mom. Hurry home, Mom. Hurry home.
Hooray for going back to work! I am excited for you because well, I love my job almost as much as you do and I know how easily patients can win you over. I hope it is a great day back on the job!
I also hope you know how excited I am for you as a mom. I am sure you do an amazing job. I just want you to know how much I love and admire you. You never cease to amaze me with your strength and determination. I love you Ang. Have a great week back at work!
I need to remember to have the tissues ready when I read your blog. I love how you write. What a genuinely sweeeeet person you are.
ahhh...have fun!
Hope today went well. Good luck! =)
You always seem to make me cry. I love it! Reading the way you feel about Zad is so wonderful to me. It makes me love you even more than I already do. I hope you had a great day and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
That was so sweet to read. I just hope I get to meet this little guy sometime soon. You are an amazing mother! :) I'm glad you love holding him and rocking him to sleep. Those are precious moments that you'll always have to look back on.
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