The Temple and Warrior Zad

We went to the temple last night, it was our first trip back since having Zad. I was overcome again with immense gratitude and love for Norma and our incredibly loving Heavenly Father. Last night during our worship session a prayer was said for the children and babies of the parents who were there. They were blessed to be "warriors against the evil one." All of a sudden I could see in my minds eye, Zad years from now with the look and attitude of a Stripling Warrior; strong, brave, couregous, valiant, and determined to choose the right above all else. I had a moment of feeling so honored to be asked to be his mother; not only by Norma but by my Heavenly Father as well. What an amazing responsibility and blessing I have been given!

Snap, snap, snap, & bla, bla, bla....for those who want to know!

Loads of pictures of my beautiful boy. We have had a very busy weekend. Steve's dad Larry and Steve's brother Sam visited from Colorado, so Zad got to meet his other grandpa and yes...his very own Uncle Sam. My mom, her sisters, and Grandma Frost came for a visit also. Zad met my Aunt Sheri all the way from Idaho who gave me the best gift of all, a night of solid sleep! Yes that's right she stayed last night and got up with him twice, we even wheeled the basinette into her room, I never heard a peep! And to top if off I awoke rested and found all of my clean clothes FOLDED, her bed made and everything around my house just tidied up! Even better Steve took him Saturday night...so I got two solid nights in a row! Believe me I used my rested self to my fullest potential today, thank you Steve and Sheri!

Here's what we have been up to the last several weeks.


Zadok had his first visit to Dr. Jones and peed all over me when I stripped him for the scale! But he is so cute all I could do is laugh and kiss him.


I just love how alert he is becoming. Steve and I are able to calm him just by talking quietly to him. I know this may not seem like a big deal, but I take it as a sign that he is really getting to know who we are. Today he started to cry while we were out shopping for his bedding and he just quieted right down and fell asleep when I held him to me and told him what a loved boy he is. It really warmed my heart.


These pictures are so cute of Steve and Zad sleeping on the couch. Steve took the first month we had him off and so they took a lot of naps together. I really need to learn to nap rather than spend that time on the computer or trying to get things done.


I love that he sleeps with his hands next to his face.


One early morning I found a lovely little blow-out (it's when I knew we needed to stop using Newborn diapers and move to size one). Needless to say both Zad and I were a little upset. His whole little body was just rigid he was so upset. So I turned on the warm water for a bath in the sink, as soon as he was in, his little body just went floppy. It was so funny and so hard to give him a bath, I had to stop to take a pic.


Steve's Granny made Zad this warm blanket and two little hats. Thanks Granny!



This picture is just so sweet of him!


Jenny and Blake usually come for a visit once a week. Blake can't get enough of him, I can hardly wait to watch them play together.


This is my new favorite picture of him. I caught it right out of the shower one day. I had laid him down while a finished up and found this when I got out. He found his thumb! Sorry mom, I didn't yank it out, it was just too cute.


This is the new toy, or workout equipment, the Bumbo (thanks Sister Turnball)! Steve puts him in it everyday to get his neck strong. Zad usually lasts about ten minutes before he's had enough. I wish I was getting 10 minutes of a workout lately...I so miss it and need it! I know it's coming, I just need a little more sleep first.

Oh For Fun!!

So... my cousin has this fun post on her blog that I am posting here. It's kind of a game for us "blogger" types. Here's how it works: the first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something made by me personally. What I make is my choice, but it will be made JUST FOR YOU! My choice. For you. However, like all things that sound too good to be true :), this offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- There is no guarantee that you will like what I make!
2- What I create will be just for you personally.
3- It will be completed sometime this year. :)
4- You will receive no clues as to what it's going to be. I'll let you post a request of some sort with your comment, but still... it could be anything!
5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange if I so desire... it may blow your mind! Or it may not. It may be very simple and predictable... but hopefully you will benefit from it!

And like most things that sound too good to be true, there is a catch. You must re-post this on your blog and offer the same deal to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. Not too bad, huh? In fact, I think it'll be a lot of fun!!

So-- on your mark, get set, GO! The first 5 people to leave a comment telling me they posted this on their blog and want to win a free, FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift from me will receive just that!!! **Remember: You have to tell me in your post that you've posted this on your blog before you can be guaranteed one of the five slots!** Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it! Fun, fun!! My grandma always says that, "Oh for fun!"

Open Adoption

I will be the first to admit, two years ago when we knew we would some day adopt, the thought of an open adoption was the last thing I wanted. It actually scared me a little. We had spent 11 years in effort to have our own children. Our final effort was a quick, routine surgery to check out my insides. Forty-five minutes of some dye running through my fallopian tubes to clear them and make sure they functioned the way they needed too and a look at my uterus, just making sure all was well.

It was anything but well. After surgery at age 2, 4, 16, 18, and 21 to cure me of cancer and removal of its resulting scar tissue growth, here I was at 30 hoping and praying this would result in my version of a happy ending. It was November 2006, I had the surgery two days before Thanksgiving (I had the holiday off and decided to take full advantage of it). I remember vaguely Steve driving me home and delicately telling me I was full of scar tissue...everywhere. Scar tissue=no baby.

Surprisingly I wasn't sad...that night and for several nights after. We headed to Flagstaff for Thanksgiving and that very holiday morning awoke early to a wet shirt. I went to the bathroom to quietly check things out so I wouldn't wake Steve and there it was...a green, wet shirt. I knew right away what it was, really really bad. The small incision made in my belly button was leaking and I could see a greenish outline under my skin. I called the on call nurse who told me to take my pain medication and call the next day if I still had green, smelly goo coming from the hole in my belly button. Thankfully I knew better and woke up Steve and my parents and asked them to take me to the hospital.

To make things short, I was soon life-flighted to Phoenix in a snazzy helicopter with my brother Mac (they thought Steve and my dad were too tall to fit, not realizing Mac is only a little shorter). I was met by doctors who I knew and had worked with (I love them, but that's another story). They spent five hours on Thanksgiving day cleaning me out and repairing my small intestine which had numerous small holes in it from the previous surgery. All went well considering the damage that had occurred and bonus for my family, they all got to eat Thanksgiving dinner at Mayo Clinic (I know you think that's bad, but you really should try it, you would be surprised)!

Recovery was tough (both physically and spiritually). Dealing with an ailing body (again) and the idea of not bearing my own children was almost all I could bear. In the resulting months I had my stomach cut open 3 more times (while I was awake this time) to clean out infection and help it heal right. I had a woundvac hooked up to my tummy (something everyone should try at least once), and had many visits from a variety of interesting home health nurses. Mercifully the Lord blessed me greatly during this time, in many ways but two in particular.

First, I had the distinct impression from my Aunt Lucy that I would adopt children just as she did. It was an incredible blessing that has continued on. Second, my dad donated one of his kidneys to my mom's mom in January 2007 and needed to stay close to Mayo so he stayed with us for a month while he recovered along with me. I will never forget how much this helped me. It is a rare thing to get to spend everyday doing little more than eating Ding Dongs and watching The Price Is Right for an entire month with your dad. I will forever treasure that time with him.

By April of 2007 we had our mountain of adoption papers and painfully got through them and finally turned in by January 2008. We went to several classes and workshops regarding adoption and all that goes with it. The most memorable was meeting and hearing the story of birthmom Tamra.

Something began to happen, adoption was already changing me. I started to feel differently about the whole process, I was so excited I was getting the chance to adopt! I felt at some point during that painful year of mourning the loss of carrying and bearing a child that I was feeling that pain for a reason, and it was incredible pain. Far worse than any physical pain I have had. But I was feeling it so that I would have an understanding of what a birthmom would someday experience over a child for me.

I felt I had lost several things: the power to create a child, my healthy body (I had worked it over and was in the best shape I had been since high school), I felt all alone at times, one of my favorite doctors (who had carried me in a sense through my own personal nightmare) moved, and some of my family relationships were strained which is awful especially when they were the only family I felt I had at the time.

Finally, after that year I felt I was beginning to heal (in every way). Adoption was changing me, the Lord was changing me and I was so grateful. I needed to change. I started to see the atonement of Jesus Christ differently, I started to see and feel just how he had suffered for me. And I was so thankful for Him. I just wanted to be and do whatever He would have me do to be better, and not just in hopes that He would repay me with a baby. I just wanted to be the person He wanted me to be for His sake, because I felt so indebted to Him and because I wanted to show my love for Him and the sacrifice He had made for me. I began to see the Plan of Happiness as I never had before. I was beginning to understand that I did not need a baby to be happy, He had already provided me everything I needed to be happy...His life and His death were all I really needed. And from this, EVERYTHING began to look, sound, and feel different to me.

Fast forward to January 30, 2009...the day I met Norma. I had already developed a great love for birthmoms after meeting several and hearing their stories. I just loved them and knew when I met mine I would love her as I had never loved anyone. It quite simply is just a different kind of love, but so intense and deep I know only God could describe it. When she told us she had chosen us the next morning, I could do nothing but cry. I just could not and still can not understand what love she must have for this precious little boy to willingly give him to us. HOW in the world could I just say, "Thanks for the baby, we hope your life is happy, see ya." What person would not want to be life long buddies, friends, and pals with someone so amazing? What parent would not want that person to play a role in this precious child's life? What better example of love, sacrifice, humility, faith, obedience, and willingness to follow the Lord could I give this child than the Savior himself?

People keep asking me how often, how long, do I have keep having visits with the birthmom? I want to say first of all, her name is Norma and she is more than amazing, she is one of the greatest people I believe I will ever have the privilege of knowing. Zadok aside I want her in my life. I can not even say her name without a tear coming to my eye or my heart feeling all soft and warm for what she has done for Zadok and Steve and me. She is the hero in this story, she is what makes me cry as I am on my knees in gratitude to the Lord. I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you that I never carried and bore this child because I GET to adopt him!

Adoption is such an amazing gift, surely something this wonderful could never be second best to being a biological link to a child. After all, don't we all come from the same place? All linked to the same Heavenly Father? All spiritually linked ourselves? Zadok is seen by some as "given to us" by someone else, but are we not all of us entrusted to earthly parents by God himself, no matter what path we may take to get there? How could one path ever be better than another? Surely adoption was always a part of His plan to create families. What an incredible blessing we have been given to be chosen for this path. I would have it no other way. I love you Norma, can't wait to see you tomorrow!