Grandpa

Here at my mom's house I finally found a picture....I've been worried I didn't have one for days. He was so happy when he found out we were getting Z. He called that Saturday after Norma had chosen us and said in his sweet raspy voice, "Ang....I here you're getting a baby. We are so happy. Tell me about him." He was so happy to learn we had decided to call him Z and told me all the stories he knew of him growing up in Kanab.

In February when we first took Zad to Flagstaff we stayed with my grandparents out at their house. Early one morning I fell asleep on the couch holding my new precious baby, when I opened my eyes he was just standing there watching us and told me he'd never seen a prettier site.

All the years spent waiting for Z he was so kind and understanding of how much we wanted a baby. It's strange to sit here after a family night spent planning his funeral. Even though we were talking about him, I wasn't used to my Uncle Mark "running the show" so to speak. He did a wonderful job taking care of planning all that needs to be done, who will do it, and giving each person a chance to voice their opinions and thoughts. But I just kept thinking, "Where's Grandpa?" Just when my mind started to think he was back taking a nap or in with all the younger grandkids did I remember. Everyone always deferred to him in our family and it was a big job lining out so many people to get a job done....Mark has a heavy burden.

It's late and its been a very long day, goodnight all. I thought of so many more stories of him tonight that I treasure...but they will have to wait for another night.

What would I ever do without this face?

I never realized before what a blessing a sweet little happy face could be when you are so sad. Today I lost my Grandpa Frost. What a blessing his life has been to me. Strange to think only 3 months ago he was holding Z telling me he looked just like him...because they parted their hair on the same side, both had dark hair, and tan skin. I laughed at this even though they did have all those similarities despite my grandpa coming from two white parents, his skin was amazingly bronzed.

My grandpa was the kind of man almost everyone seemed to know one way or another in Flagstaff; if not by his church service, for his horses, or service to those in jail, missionary work, help with widows and poor and pretty much anyone who needed it. It is hard to go anywhere in Flagstaff and talk to anyone for very long without hearing a story about how they know my grandpa. He has spoken at many funerals some even for the young men he served in church. He served a mission to Greece with my grandma when I was a senior in high school and during my freshman year at college. He was a friend to everyone and was always happy to see you; even if you were a stranger to him.

Once I took a friend with me to Flagstaff during Christmastime and we ended up out at his house. My friend was going through a tough time and he greeted her with a warm hug and big smile just as he did me. Later on he sung Christmas carols with her while my grandma played the piano. I have many stories like this.

I was privileged to be his very first grandchild. He now has 37 and several great-grandchildren with 5 more on the way! When I was born he was bishop of his ward, a note was passed up to him on the stand telling him of my birth which he then announced to the whole congregation. As his first, I count this as not only a blessing but a great responsibility to be all that he would expect of his grandchildren:
#1 You must always greet him with a big, "HELLO GRANDPA" and a big happy smile on your face.
#2 You must not do anything that would make his children (your parents) worry about you; staying out too late, dating someone who seems "a little wild," or not taking care of yourself.
#3 You must always look presentable when you are out of the house or when he comes to visit; "pajamas are for little kids on Christmas at noon, grown-ups get dressed and fix their hair for the day Ang."
#4 Marry the right person (this has many rules behind it....we won't go into all of them).
#5 Go to school, go to school, go to school. "Ang, I used to think college should just be for boys, but you need to go, all the girls in this family need to go."
#6 Everyone has a special gift or talent, "Ang, you have the gift to be healed, that is one of your blessings from the Lord, I believe that."
#7 "Babies love to be held and cuddled, there is nothing they love more. You will never regret the time you spend holding your baby." I just learned this lesson from him.
#8 Men need the out-of-doors, a good horse out on a ride in the cool breeze fixes most problems, a good gun on a good hunt sure does help too.
#9 People need to serve to be happy, you will never find a happy person who does not serve other people in some way, its just how happy people live. Sometimes letting others serve you brings them great happiness so just let them, they probably need it.
#10 "Always stay close to the Lord Ang and follow the prophet, you will never be sorry and always be glad you did."

He was such a great man and wonderful grandpa. I am so thankful for him tonight. I am also grateful to have my little Z; his smile makes me smile today, what would I do without that on a day like today? I thank the Lord for so many great blessings. Sometimes I can't believe He chooses me to bless so much, why me?

Happy Birth Mother's Day! A few days late...

but we did celebrate!

I tried to look up some images on Google Images using the words "birth mother" and then I tried "open adoption." Crrrreeeepy! None of them seemed appropriate to post as they portrayed birth moms in a negative way and one image was yes, really creepy. Some kind of alien type looking picture, where did that come from? So I am posting some of my own pictures from today.


We all (Steve, Norma, Sue, her mom, Zadok, and I) headed all the way up to the Northwest side of the valley for an adoption academy. In short this is a day of classes that teach the basics of adoption and its requirements to couples seeking to adopt. It seems like only a short time ago it was us going to all those classes even though its been over two years.

Norma, Steve, and I were on a panel of five talking about openness in adoption. We were joined on the panel by two sisters, ages 17 and 14, who had been adopted and saw their birth families regularly. It is quite rare to meet people who have had an open relationship with their birth families with adoptions that occurred that many years ago. We really valued and learned a lot from hearing their comments and afterward getting a chance to visit with their parents.

It has been interesting as time has passed since adopting Zad that my concerns over being so open with Norma have not been for us or him, but for Norma. She is seriously one of the greatest people I have ever met. Had we met in a different way and if she had never chosen adoption for her child I think I would still feel this way. The fact that she did choose adoption is only an outward sign of what she is inside. My biggest concern for her is wanting her to feel able to move forward in her life, get married, and continue her family (of course if she wants all of those things). At times I have been worried that having such a close relationship with us might hinder her in doing this. So I finally just brought it up with her on Saturday and I even asked the parents of these two sisters we met.

I was comforted to learn that both of the girls birth moms were married and had more children. I also learned that each birth mom had taken potential spouses to meet these adoptive parents, for their approval. I was happy to hear that this was Norma's plan as well. You see, I only want the very best for Norma. She truly feels like my sister and I don't want anything or anyone (including us) to stand in the way of the joy I believe the Lord has in store for her. So look out guys, we are very picky! If you don't believe me, ask my sister Laurie. I am SURE she will vouch for my discerning and scrutinizing taste.

I am so thankful that I feel our relationship is relaxing a bit with time. We talk about more than just Zadok, although I think we both agree this is our favorite subject. Who else can I go on and on with about how completely adorable he is. But I feel like we are getting to a place where we just call one another to meet up for lunch or talk about how great Sione and Filipe looked last night on The Biggest Loser! Which is exactly what we did yesterday!

We love you Norma...hope you had the very best Birth Mother's Day. You deserve every bit of it!


I had to include a picture of us at Fajitas! Our favorite place to eat in the Northwest valley. If you haven't tried it, it is definitely worth the trip! Shrimp fajitas....yummy!

My Grandma loves it...so do I

So my Grandma Frost has told this story about my grandpa and his dark hair for as long as I can remember. At night when they were first married and throughout their 50+ years of marriage she loves looking over in bed at night and seeing his dark hair (now a little more salt than pepper) on the pillow. She says it has always puts a smile on her face.

I wanted for years growing up to look over at night and see dark hair. I have grown to love the lighter blonder version on the pillow but I must say...it thrills my heart to walk into Zadok's room and see his head full of dark hair in the morning. I absolutely LOVE picking him up and feeling that soft full head of blackness against my cheek. I must say, there is nothing like it in the whole wide world. Just when I think it is my favorite part of him, he looks up at me with those dark eyes, a sleepy look, and a huge grin (even though he has just awoken)!

Yes, I have taken a little hiatus. Working, loving this baby, and getting back on my bike have had me a little busy, but don't worry...I'm back and have so many great things to blog about!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Back to Work I Go

So....tomorrow is my first day back at work. I can hardly stand it, my head and heart are a mixture of emotions. I think back to the last day I worked and it seems as though an eternity has passed since then. Even though it has only been a little less than 3 months, my life feels completely different and more real and intense in a way.

I absolutely love my job, always have. Being a nurse has been the most rewarding, frustrating, exhausting, and wonderful way I could ever have spent my time. Many of my patients hold special places in my heart and I have learned things about the very nature of who I am by spending time with people in some of their most trying moments. After being a patient so many times throughout my life I feel a certain bond with them as though I am one of them. I just happen to be having one of my healthier days while taking care of them. I love them. Of course I am saying this now. After my 12+ hour day tomorrow, I will still love them and my job, I will probably just be exhausted and probably really frustrated with all the extras that go with any job.

However, as I held my precious baby while he fell asleep tonight, my heart felt torn. Of course I want to be with my patients, I have missed them but I think the whole of my heart now belongs to Steve and Zadok. Being a mother these past two and half months has meant more to me than I can put into words. Zadok has brought to life in me something that only he could have. And although I have my times of going a little crazy with such a major life change the thought of not being with him for just one day just makes me want to hold him all night.

I know everyone thinks that their baby is the most precious, lovable, sweet, happy, beautiful baby in the world...sorry to disappoint but Zadok wins the prize. He truly is all of that and being without him for even one day seems like too much. As tears came to my eyes again while holding him tonight my mind could not help but think of Norma. Have I mentioned lately how amazing, loving, unselfish, and wonderful she is?

So off I go...and as Steve says, get ready to run. You see my life has felt about as fast as 15 miles an hour. Back to 100 mph, bright and early!

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!...and other fun news!

-JUNE 25, 2009-
THE DAY ZADOK WILL OFFICIALLY (and legally) BE OURS!!!!

Easter weekend was really fun, my parents came down from Flag and we got together with Jared and Jenny and their kids all weekend!


I love this pic of my niece Elizabeth with Zad, they are so cute together. She is great to have around, yesterday she carried Zad around in the baby carrier and fed him!


Blake loves Zad's toys. Most of Zad's toys (stuffed animals, rattles, etc.) Blake brings to him and puts them on top of him and then steps back waiting for Zadok to start playing with them. Sometimes Blake will even go back over, pick up the toy and then put it on him again waiting....waiting....waiting..... Sorry no toy playing yet!


Good thing Grandpa was around to play with.


The three of us all dressed up for Easter. I remember taking pics like this when I was growing up, all in pastel dresses and ties, sometimes they even matched, thanks to my mom's superb sewing skills. However, all of these lovely little outfits were sewn by strangers, probably in far off countries.






I had to take lots of pics of this cute outfit from one of my patients and his wife. I first met them about a year and a half ago and honestly never thought he would make it. Happily he did and is completely cancer free! YEAH! While I was praying for their miracle, they were praying for ours. You can't beat patients like those. Love you guys!


Finally....Zadok's Rico Suave' look. Look out baby girls, his eye brows will get ya!

Baby Books and Family Night

So...I've been thinking should I be keeping a baby book? It is one of those things that I thought I would have a lot of time to think about and plan for but that has obviously not been the case! Don't laugh! How many people do you know discover they are going to have a baby and then actually have the baby less than 48 hours later!? Ok then, back to the main point here!

So Zadok is doing all these amazing things, rolling over for the first time, cooing like crazy, smiling with not just his mouth but his eyes and eyebrows too and I never want to forget any of it. The problem is, that over the many years of waiting for his arrival I have NEVER seen a baby book I liked. I have looked at many of them wherever they have been offered. It all looks so cheesy and dumb to me, put their hand print [here], lock of hair [here], date of when they rolled over [here], and so on. I want something cute, imaginative, and fun!

I've thought of making my own but I need a starting place...and I am not feeling inspired by the boring white with blue writing and a teddy bear on the front kind. What is with all the baby sized little animals, pastel colored blocks, and ducks saying "quack quack" on everything anyway? Guess what he can't read yet! Why not put something on their that mothers like to look at....I can't think of anything right now I but not all that babyish stuff!

Anyway...I'm just looking for ideas, do you have any?

Also, here are some pics of Zad's "bio" cousins Levu and Liahona from the family night we attended with Norma this last Monday. Aren't they just adorable? They are the twins of Norma's sister Monica and are about 7 months old here! Doesn't that family make the cutest babies?




We had a great time meeting more of Norma's family and playing Scottish games. We met her cousin Monte who is home on leave from Iraq, we had heard a lot about him. Everyone dressed up like him from different times in his life. It was pretty funny to see grown men wearing little clip on ties and little girls in fatigues. Zadok won one of the prizes as looking most like Monte as a baby in an outfit Norma prepared for him and I can't believe I didn't get any pics of it! Norma, what was I doing? I did get some pics of a few people playing the caber toss, sheaf throw and light hammer toss, they didn't turn out two well but here they are anyway. But isn't it all about the babies right now?