Come Visit Me In My New Home

I needed a fresh start and general make-over so I've started blogging at www.nikesandslides.blogspot.com

Please come visit me there.

Merry Christmas 2010

Learning to Love My Hair Too

My nieces, Ella and Galey

Just last night my brother told me about this story.
The Sesame Street Song "I Love My Hair"
sensation that has been posted all over Facebook was written by an adoptive dad! Leave it to an adoptive dad to write a song to help his daughter realize just how special she is in every way.

Truth be told, I have wanted hair just like this since I was in the first grade and met a girl named Crystal who was in kindergarten.
I wanted her hair and her name, I thought both were wonderful.
Lucky for me, my brother married Crystal's sister so I still get to see Crystal and now I have nieces whose hair I can play with!
I'm still learning to love my baby fine, blond strands.



Galey with newborn Zad and my niece Elizabeth looking on at Z's placement.




Ella and Casey with newborn Zad with my brother Tommy and Norma's sister Monica and Lia
looking on at Zadok's placement.




Mama Ella with newborn Ike in Flagstaff this last summer

Soon.....Very Soon!

Almost your turn Ike!


Steve, me, and Zad outside the Mesa, AZ Temple the day he was sealed to us!

Strong Women

These are my birth mamas; Hannah and Norma.
Actually they are respectively Ike's and Zadok's birth mothers.

Hannah, me, and Norma on Ike's Placement Day

But I like to refer to them as my birth mother's as well, as I so clearly and apparently a little possessively stated to Mrs. R a few weeks ago at our adoption conference.
But that is another story (an embarrassing one) and after a summer of truly sticking my foot in my mouth, one that I am not ready to tell publicly yet. See me in person for the low down!

This picture was taken on Ike's placement day just a little while before Hannah sweetly and tearfully signed her rights to be his mother over to me.
It is always a sacred moment.

It's a moment when a thousand images and memories of myself flood my mind. I try to take in the fact that I will forever be this child's mother.
In that moment I want to be everything I think that little boy will ever need and everything I think he deserves.
In that moment I feel very weak and very inadequate.


All summer I have barely even been able to look at this picture, knowing it would bring on a flood of emotions. These two women chose me to be the mother to their precious sons. My partners, to give these baby boys the best we each can.
Yes, Steve is there too, don't think I'm letting him off the hook.
But really, I feel so much gratitude to my Heavenly Father that I have each of these women in my life. That I am not alone in doing what is best for them.
They inspire me to be a better mother on a daily basis.

In moments where I feel weak, out of patience, tired, cranky and ready to lose it on some days, I think of them. I think of each of those women of strength; Norma and Hannah. How they willingly chose something better. They each have made me a better mother.
What insight the Lord had when He designed this plan, He knew what I needed.
I needed these strong, brave women, close to me to show me the way.

Hannah with Ike and Norma with Zad


After adopting Zadok, I had and still have a hard time understanding how Norma chose us essentially, to take her place. I feel the same about Hannah. I always want to ask, but never do, "Are you sure?" Not Steve so much, but me, are you sure?

After Zadok was placed with us, I started to see motherhood and becoming a mother through adoption very differently. When a baby is formed and grows in your own body, Heavenly Father has placed that child there. He has chosen you. True that's it's also just a fact of the birds and the bees, but after trying for 11 years, I strongly believe heaven plays a big role in it as well.
Our Father in Heaven who can see us clearly for all that we are and all that we lack has chosen that woman to do what she feels is in the best interest of that child.
For most, that is to become a mother to that child.


Open adoption is entirely different, mortals dealing with mortals.
Each with their own history, experiences, and let's just say baggage.
Yet it seems that for a time at least, we are all able to see each other as God sees us.
This is truly is one of the miracles of adoption.
One I never saw coming until I was in it. A chance to see these amazing women as God sees them.
Let me tell you, they are beautiful!
Beautiful in a way that maybe only a few can see. But let me just say this, if you could see them as I do, you would stand in amazement and then kneel in humility for just the opportunity to know them.

Hannah holding Ike moments before signing.

Two Adoption ROCK STARS....and I Know Them!!!

Audra, Steve holding new little Zadok, me, and Sharon at Zadok's placement in February 2009

Audra and Sharon have both been our case workers for our two adoptions.
They both are rock stars in our book.

Audra and her husband have been our friends since about 2001, is that right Audra?
We met them when we were all in the same ward and Audra and I both served with the young women. We developed quite a friendship with them and have some crazy memories.
We all ditched out on a ward Christmas party long ago to go see The Ring, something I still regret (I hate scary movies).
We drove all night the day after Christmas one year to go to Magic Mountain and then all four of us stayed in the same hotel room.
Another time, we crammed ourselves and another couple into a van filled with poles for a huge canopy for 5 hours to Mexico. Steve somehow injured his back on that trip and limped like a crippled up zombie the whole week. Audra had her hair braided into corn rows and I bought a mini accordion which her husband played I'm A Child of God on endlessly and then offered it up as a bribe at the border. Crazy fun times with those two.

When Steve and I attended the Families Supporting Adoption Conference in August 2008, we met up with Audra whom we hadn't seen in about 2 years. We were thrilled to learn she had just taken a job with LDS Family Services as a case worker; we thought for sure she could lead us to our baby. Five months later, she introduced us to Norma after Norma had interviewed another couple that didn't feel quite right. Two days later we were parents.

We met Sharon at Zadok's placement.
After his placement I started doing outreach events with Norma.
Sharon, Norma and I; sometimes with another birth mom or two would speak in high school or college classes about our experience in an effort to educate and promote a positive view of adoption. Sharon, who was at the time our case worker kept asking if we were going to be ready to adopt again.
I said yes even though at the time I really didn't think anything would come of it so soon.

Last December I attended Pamper Night at the birth parent group with Norma and Zadok. It's a night when the birth parents are pampered with massage, manicures, jewelry making, fun crafts and yummy food often provided by adoptive moms and other adoption workers.
Even before I started going with Norma it was a night I never missed, I love it. It gives me a chance to get to know birth moms and show my appreciation for them.
Hannah and I met and visited for a little while that night without either one of us knowing the other was looking. When Sharon asked her if she felt a connection with anyone, she said, "Yes that blond girl was really nice and her little boy is so cute." Thank you Zada!
I guess Zadok had been flirtin' it up with Hannah that night; raising one eyebrow, flashing his big grin and big brown eyes, and patting her tummy.
Hannah took it as a sign and Sharon thought we were a great fit.
Six months later Hannah and I were in the operating room holding hands as Ike was born.

Sharon really went above and beyond for all of us during those six months of waiting for Ike. In June Audra and Sharon were both there with us again at Ike's placement.

What a blessing case workers are! These two are especially amazing. In the time we have been involved with LDS Family Services they have started the birth parent group which has given support to many, many birth moms, birth dads (yes I have met a few there) and their families. This group takes a yearly retreat together, which I can only imagine as being incredibly fun and uplifting.
Each week they meet to give each other support, discuss resources and talk about all the aspects of single parenting, adoption, and getting married as options.
Recently the group has grown so much, they have started a second!
Isn't just what you would want if you were dealing with an unplanned pregnancy?

If you are interested in being a part of this group in any way you can go here for more info.

Thank you Audra and Sharon for helping us grow our family and giving such great support and love to all the birth parents you come in contact with.
We love you!

Some of my Favorite Adoption Books For Children

I have been collecting adoption books for about 3 years now.
I used to go out and buy childrens books for years while we were trying to conceive as a way to cope and then I started buying adoption books while we were looking for our birth moms.
It was very comforting to sit in a bookstore and then at home reading them and imagining myself reading to my children. Isn't it fun when dreams come true?
Here's a very short list. I would love to know what yours are.



Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
One of my favorites by far. I still can't get through this one without crying. I think it gives an accurate look of how excited adoptive parents are when they find out they have been chosen and get to go get their baby. This book has great illustrations that are funny and heart warming without giving a negative impression of the birth parents (one of my biggest peeves about adoption books for children).

I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose A. Lewis
This is a great book for anyone adopting from China as it is very specific to China. I like that it mentions the birth mom respectively and talks about the long journey it is to adopt.

A Mother For Choco by Keiko Kasza
I have mixed feelings about this book. I love that it shows that adoptive parents and their children do not have to look like one another to be in the same family. It approaches the subject in a way I think young children can understand by having the characters of the book as different animals. For obvious reasons, I hate the title and the first part of the story of the "child" played by a bird going around looking for a mother as if adopted children are simply abandoned. I believe even in countries where children are in orphanages or foster care no mother simply walks away from her child.

Little Miss Spider by David Kirk
This book is from a series of books about Miss Spider and I really appreciate that the author chose to focus one of the books on adoption. It's a great story about a little spider looking for the right home, I like this even though I don't believe it's very accurate. Most children or babies have many caring adults helping to make that decision. My only complaint about this book is the last page which says, "For finding your mother, there's one certain test. You must look for the creature who loves you the best." Cute rhythm but extremely offensive, especially to those of us involved with open adoption. I don't think anyone would or should attempt to measure who has the greatest love for a child, especially those children lucky enough to be part of an adoption. These children have many, many people in their lives that love them far beyond what someone could call the best. Children of adoption are often loved from afar by people they may never meet or see that often but none the less that love is deep and undying.

The Best For You by Kelsey Stewart
I don't actually have this book (hint, hint for anyone out there looking for Christmas gift for our family....Mom, Dad, Diane?) I have not even read this book but I have heard many rave about how wonderful it is, not to mention it is written from an LDS perspective. I had hoped to win it in the raffle at the Southwest Regional Families Supporting Adoption Conference a few weeks ago, but alas I did not. AGAIN, hint, hint.....but I know my mom won't even read this till February. Love you Mom!

National Adoption Month!

Zadok's adoption finalization last year


Guess what? It's officially the start of
National Adoption Month!
That's right, every
November is National Adoption Month
right here in the United States.


National Adoption Day this year is November 20. On National Adoption Day (which is always a Saturday), juvenile courts all over the country are open to finalize thousands of adoptions! Here in Phoenix, we are expecting to finalize 320 adoptions! It is truly a day to celebrate as families all over the country are being created! You can check out what we will be doing that day here
National Adoption Day in Phoenix, AZ.


So spread the word, it's National Adoption Month! Hooray!

15 Years!

At a "married" dance at Ricks College a few months after we were married

Yes, it's quite amazing to me, we have been married for 15 years today! We both think it feels more like six. Yet somehow it's been more than double that!

We really only have one tradition on our anniversary, we have done it since our very first anniversary and that is to look back on the last year and each come up with our top five favorite events. We used to do the five best and five worst events of the past year but that got ugly so now we just focus on the positive. :) I wish for anything that I would have recorded these over the years because I am sure they would bring back such great memories that would make us laugh now or maybe cry. Interestingly enough often our favorite events have been some of the hardest, like in '99 when we both listed Steve's plane crash or in '07 when we both cried and talked about finding out we would never have our own biological child. Somehow, those really hard events end up being the best because they always bring us closer together. Last year of course we both listed Zad as our top favorite event, this year I'm sure it will be Ike.

We laid in bed last night reminiscing about how we started out; a car with an oil leak and dead starter that we push started in our wedding clothes at the Buttes on our wedding night after we repeatedly turned down the valet service. The apartment we moved into in Rexburg, ID that was over a dentist office and dance club (only in Rexburg) that cost us $235/month, furnished. That meant a double bed that was broken so bad on one side that usually one of us had fallen out of it by the morning at least once and a loveseat with no legs and so low to the ground that Steve's knees were in his chest when he sat down. The bathtub/shower would leak down to the dentist office which meant that one morning we were told we could not use our bathroom after 9am anymore because it disturbed the patients below. On Friday and Saturday nights the floor would vibrate from the music of the dance club and we watched the OJ Simpson trial wrap up on our 15 inch TV. I remember coming home from class and seeing boxes outside our door filled with china and crystal people had sent as wedding gifts and thinking that somehow those things didn't belong in our 350 square foot ghetto apartment. Thank goodness we only lived there a month before we moved into the government housing of Rexburg. It actually was a huge step up.


In our 2nd apartment in Rexburg
Somehow, here we are 15 years later in a comfortable, quiet home with comfortable furniture, trucks that run well, two college degrees, two secure jobs, and two little boys that look anything but like us! :) We are so blessed and I am so blessed to have had Steve for this whole journey. There is no one I would have rather been with.

Steve is still all the wonderful things he was to me back then only better now. He still tells me he loves me multiple times a day, still pulls me in for big giant bear hugs and long kisses, he still notices any changes I've made to my hair or anything else and almost always loves it, he still whistles when I dress up nice and still loves me with no makeup and in work clothes. He still makes delicious meals every Sunday and helps out around the house with dishes or laundry or whatever he sees that needs to be done. Although what he sees and what I see are a little different..... :)
He still encourages me with anything I want to do and will research or help me find ways to be successful. He still prays with me night and morning, reads scriptures with me, dances with me in the kitchen, somehow gets me to laugh when I'm upset, and holds me when I cry. He still tells me I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him. I love him so much, but who wouldn't?


Just before the Valentine's Dance at Ricks College in '95, one of our first dates

I have a doctor that has taken care of me for about 13 years; we first met when I was really sick at 21 and Steve and I had only been married a couple years. Every time he sees me he asks how Steve is and every time I say, "He's the best." One time Dr. Shahon said, "You always say that, he really is the best in your eyes isn't he?" Yes, yes he is.

The first time I became really ill after we were married, we lived in Mesa in a third floor apartment and I was so weak that I couldn't barely make it to the bathroom. He would carry me up and down those stairs for days until I was strong enough again. It was incredibly humbling at age 21; only two weeks before I had run in my first 5K race.

What an amazing 15 years we have had! For all these reasons and a million more I love you Steve, thank you for the happiest years of my life!


In front of my apartment at Ricks College during Mother's Week, where my mom met Steve for the 1st time. Ummm, she wanted him gone!

Have YOU ever thought....?

Maybe you are married and young and just starting out....

Maybe you are married with a few children....

Maybe your children are already raised but still have more to give to a child....

Maybe you are unable to bear children of your own....

Maybe you feel bearing anymore children would not be good for your health....



Lately, I have been feeling the stirrings in my heart of more children meant for my family. I know, crazy right? We have not even had Ike for 2 months....yet I know there are others out there waiting for us to find one another. Although I don't feel ready to bring them home just now, my heart knows they are there just waiting for their time.

Orphans have been on my mind a lot in the months since the earthquake hit Haiti. So naturally I begin to wonder if I have a child there or somewhere out there living life as an orphan.

There are an estimated 145 million orphans in the world today, with just over 100,000 in the United States. In the U.S. we do not call these children orphans, we call them foster children.

Maybe there is one out there meant for your family...

My Life in a Little Over 3 Minutes

Well, we're a little over a month into having two kids; one on the arm and one under foot. I've started several posts about all the adventures of the last month....they're coming, but for now this pretty much says it all...

Ike Meets Z...and the Family

I was so happy to have my two boys on my lap, together again at last. From the beginning Hannah and I have talked about how Zadok knew the baby in her tummy. When I had them there together for the first time, I knew this was true.
Without Z, Ike would not be here.
Our little Zadok had a big hand in bringing his baby brother to us.

When I first met Hannah, Z and I were at a the Birth Parent Pamper Night*. I was there not looking to find our next potential birth mom but just so that Norma could have Zadok there and for him to meet/flirt with all the other birth moms there (scary how good he already is at this). ;)

Zadok was there putting the moves on all the girls; making eyes, smiling with all his teeth, and then there was Hannah. He went straight up to her and gave her the biggest grin he has. Amazing the skills he has to get noticed and cause a stir, he was not even 11 months old on this night.
She was a goner and that is how I met Hannah.

I learned that she was due in June and that she had already chosen a couple but they had recently become pregnant with twins and so she was looking again. She didn't waste any time and started asking me questions right away about Steve and Zadok. And the rest I guess, they say is history....and here we are!



Zad and Ike with my mom. She was here for a week and got to stay and play with Z while we were in the hospital; she was such a huge help.







Ike meeting his Mesa Dutton cousins. We are so glad to have them so close to us. Aunt Jenny has become one of Z's favorite people and every time he sees her he wants her to hold and cuddle him.
Elizabeth and Kayla are great babysitters and Blake and Zadok have recently been great wrestling buddies. Soon we will have 4 little wrestling boys between us! Four wrestling boys....hmmmm, somehow that seems very familiar. I love it.







We were so happy to have my dad and my brother Mac down for the weekend and the signing. This looks good on Mac, huh?
He is newly engaged and will be married to the beautiful Carissa in August (good month to be married, I must say). Let's see, if he gets married in August....



Aunt Laurie, what would we have done without her this last week? She played with Zadok, hung out with Steve while I was in the OR with Hannah, stayed and helped all through the signing. Of course loving on my two boys the whole weekend too.

Two boys! I love saying that!

Announcing Baby Ike!

Isaac James is finally here!

We couldn't be happier!

After our brave Hannah labored intensely for 14 hours she opted for a c-section.




And....I got to go with her!!!!!



My first look at my beautiful new baby. All I could think was, "You are finally here." It feels like we have been waiting another 13 years for this little sweet boy even though it's only been six months.



Yes, that is me cutting the cord!!!
How many moms can say they cut their baby's cord? I'm such a lucky and blessed girl!
It so paid to be a nurse this last week!




Check out those lashes ladies! I'm already jealous!



We made a quick stop on our way to the nursery to see Steve and Hannah's parents. He weighed 7 pounds, 6 ounces...which by now he has long passed! He's already at 7'10"!
He's a fantastic eater to say the least and calms so easily. He was 19 3/4 inches long. We just love him and feel like he has always been meant to be with us.

The hospital was very accommodating and even gave us our own room right next to Hannah! We were able to keep him in our room most of the time and really get to know him. What a sweet little spirit he has.
We really feel as though we have known him a long time and that he has been waiting to come be with his big brother Zadok.

We are so blessed. We love you Hannah! Thank you for your sacrifice, we will always thank Heavenly Father for you and your choice.

Hail to My Birth Mothers....You Deserve Every Honor.

I absolutely had to post this on my blog as soon as I read it. In fact I just finished reading it twice. Once to myself and once aloud to Steve. It is one of the most well written articles I have ever read on adoption and birth mothers.

Thank you Raina Kelley and thank you Newsweek for bringing it to the world. Thank you for saying so clearly what I have felt for years. The next time I try to explain to someone why we chose adoption, why we choose open adoption at that, or why I love my children as if they were born of me I will pull out this article and read it to them. Because my children are born of me, not of my womb but of my heart.

Sometimes, when people ask me why I care so deeply and am so affected by the women who willing place their babies with me I want to ask them to think about how much they love their children. Then ask them that if you were to witness a woman in a state of such humility that she chose to break her own heart to place her child in your arms would your heart not break just a little too? When she tells you that you are the best thing she can imagine for her child, would you not also feel so humble that you hardly feel worthy of the task? Would you not forever after smile when you heard her name, wonder if you in her position would have that kind of strength when you see that child do something great, and when you kneel down to thank your Heavenly Father for that child, could you not also thank Him for her?

Love this article!

Bambino #2....Where are You???? We can't wait!

So I just have to blog real quick and say how excited I am getting to have a new little baby boy in our house! It has finally hit me! I am getting so EXCITED!!!! We have spent the past few months doing so much prep that I feel like I have just been buried in all the work and worry that comes with adopting a baby but here we are with only a week maybe two to go and I just feel so happy and peaceful and excited!


I am also falling in love with a little toddler I now have, Zadok! He's just so much fun. He has always had a very fun personality, very happy, laid back, and carefree but lately he is just hilarious too. Belly laughing at the funniest things, playing chase with us, and hiding from us to to only jump and out and start laughing again! I love it all!

Zadok will be 16 months tomorrow! Right now he loves toothbrushes, pie pans, swimming, cuddling with daddy, Teddy Grahams, yogurt, any fruit, well actually any food that we are eating. I love him to pieces and worry about splitting my time and attention between two cute boys. Somehow it will all work out.

Here we all are celebrating Birth Mother's Day, the day before Mother's Day (if you don't already know); very appropriate I think since brave women like Norma make motherhood possible for barren women like me....that's supposed to be a little funny. The barren part, not the birth mother part.

We went to Fajitas, our favorite and a tradition we started last year with Norma, even funnier I'm wearing the same dress I did last year, hopefully that won't be a part of the tradition too!

And yes, he had fallen earlier in the day on the pool deck, his second big fall for the day. The first was covered by his voluminous hair.





We celebrated earlier in the day with Hannah at a baby shower, graciously given by Hannah's mother, April. It was so nice to meet all her friends and family who came out and showed their support for Hannah and her incredible decision to place her baby with us.

We love our Norma and we love our Hannah.

Zadok getting his haircut earlier today as we make the final preparations for our new arrival. I can't believe it's coming so soon, and I still have so much to get ready!



Well I'm off to paint the boys room, buy Z some new shoes (one fell off in Walmart yesterday...we've only had them 2 weeks), make and freeze some dinners, and maybe just fit in a massage! Definitely appreciating the not being pregnant part of the last few weeks of preparing for a baby, thank you Hannah! You're really doing the tough work.



Maybe my next post will be about Isaac, or Magnus, or Maksim, or Edgar, or Asher, or....who knows what we will name him!

Can't get enough of this!

Has there ever been a better commercial? I don't think so.

Multiplying and Replenishing

So I've been talking with a friend this week about the commandment to multiply and replenish the Earth, or in other words bear children. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder-Day Saints we are commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth with children.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” It goes on to say, "We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife."

I have always loved these statements addressed to the world. They were received by revelation from God to the the prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, along with the 12 Apostles called for our day. The Proclamation was introduced just a month after Steve and I were married. Recently I have had an even deeper love for the Proclamation on the Family largely because it is one of the reasons Norma felt little Bubba needed to be placed for adoption. It's words have been sweet to me though I am sure they have been bitter at times to any woman facing a unplanned pregnancy. However, I believe in the truthfulness of these words. Now, I read it for inspiration, peace, and to help me make difficult decisions that sometimes taste bitter to me too.

I can understand how the command to multiply and replenish the Earth can be difficult to understand, cause people to feel uncomfortable, and even offended. It is a huge, life long commitment to have a child, one that I believe will take everything of a person when they are seeking the best for that child. But that is exactly what I believe the Lord expects of us, our everything in this life. Whether that is asked of us through our children or simply through our path in life even if we never marry, never have children, or any of the things we may have dreamed of. He still asks for everything, that is the only way we will be able to return to Him.

This is much the way I am feeling about adoption lately. It is asking of me everything I have to offer and much I do not feel I have. Often, when people find out we are adopting or even people who have known us all along will say something like, "You are so lucky not to have to go through pregnancy and labor," or "You get to have kids the easy way. Lucky you." While I do agree with them in part and am very grateful that my body is not the vessel they come through, I still labor in my own way. Only mine is a labor of the heart. I go through times of feeling my heart has great strength and other times I wonder if it is able to handle all that is asked of it.

Satan, I believe, is in many ways doing all he can to prevent children from coming to good families where they can be sealed to their parents. It is a concern that many are having, see this article.

I think for most couples, especially those that have been married in the temple, Satan works on them long before a child is even conceived. Many people worry about finances, education, where they are at in life, the spacing of children, the ages or personalities of the children they already have, or simply they decide to think about it for awhile and therefore put off what the Lord may have them do.

Now let me just say, before I get a bunch of hate mail or dirty looks from my friends at work or church that I do not in any way want to offend anyone or lead anyone to believe I think they should have more children or I think they are wrong for any of the decisions they make concerning children and their family. I strongly believe that those are only decisions that can be made as a couple with thoughtful prayer and that no one, especially me has the right to say what is right or wrong for anyone but myself.

I only bring this up to make the point that most couples I know seem to struggle with the when, how many, etc. of having children while in the adoption world we seem to struggle more with, "please let them just get here." When you have been sealed in the temple and you are expecting a child your worries over whether that child will have the benefits of an eternal family are I think (I have never been pregnant myself) pretty much over. I don't think many worry over that child being sealed to their family even if a miscarriage occurs or even, heaven forbid the child is not blessed with a body able to sustain life. However, this is all I can think about lately.

I want so desperately for this new little baby, planned, as for now to come to our family, just to make here to us so that we can have him sealed to us. I have even thought more recently, "I know I may be heart broken if he does not end up with us but as long as he goes to a family where he can be sealed, my heart will be at peace." I just want that for him so desperately lately...and it seems so difficult and such a long time away. I feel Satan is working so hard right now to keep this from happening. Just as he works on couples questioning and making the tough decisions as to the children they may have, he is working on us to discourage this adoption, from every side it seems.

I feel, more keenly it seems Satan's power against me whenever I am trying to do anything of an eternal nature. When Steve and I were engaged he worked so hard to keep us from the temple in so many ways. In ways I expected, like tempting us to cross the lines of chastity before be were married all the way to things I never expected like, Steve having a deer jump through his driver side window while driving to Arizona just 5 days before we were to be married.

Most recently, the time between receiving Z to the time we were able to take him to the temple to be sealed to us, Satan really worked us! Those 7 plus months were hard! To the point that at about 3 weeks leading up to his sealing, we cut off every bit of the outside world as possible. We turned off absolutely all TV (this is always more difficult for me than Steve), turned off the radio, didn't watch movies (except for Cars one night!), only listened to conference talks, church or classical music, and avoided people or conversations we knew would turn away the Spirit. We made every effort possible to make our home a sanctuary from the world, a place where we could relax and feel the Spirit without having to battle for every minute of peace. That effort proved to be very powerful and very effective. There was no in for Satan, we gave him no opportunity.

Even the morning of driving to the temple I felt anxious and recall 3 close accidents in the truck (I won't say who was driving :)). It was very stormy, rainy, and overcast and recall the feeling of a blanket being placed on us as we drove as though it just calmed us down and protected us. I was so grateful for that feeling.

So here we are again, battling for the eternal life of this little baby boy. Three plus months and counting, waiting anxiously for bambino #2 to arrive. Which brings on the battle of fighting every minute it seems at times, for peace to reign and our hearts to be at rest. Getting him here is the first battle or part of our labor which will lead to the second; the waiting of papers to be signed, attorneys to be notified, court dates to be decided, court dates to be attended, filing of papers to the state, papers to be filled out for the temple, and one big fat check to be signed. It's a battle I grow weary of at times (for several hours just today) and at other times I am ready with my sword to take down anything that may keep this precious child from getting what he deserves, an eternal family.

Months ago when our caseworker (which is how Hannah found us) asked me while we were out speaking on adoption at a community college if we were ready to have another baby come to us. Steve and I had just discussed this just the night before, we would keep our adoption certification current and in February when we could post our profile we would but may not actively start looking. We would take it slow and feel things out. But when she asked if we would be ready at a year, the words, "Yes, we can't wait to have another," just came out! I remember thinking they had come out of some other mouth but my own and I wanted to say, "What are you thinking? I don't think that!" But the moment was gone and I couldn't get those words out! When I came home and told Steve later that night he was able to get them out just fine. :)

We have prayed several times over whether this was the right child, right time, right situation for our family and for this baby. Each time we feel strongly, "yes, keep going, everything will work out, trust me, have faith." It's a feeling neither of us can deny even when times are hard.




If I had not actually got into this work and been called of God, I would back out. But I cannot back out: I have no doubt of the truth.
Joseph Smith, Jr.

Put me in the Zoo!

So I decided to forget trying to have it all together and just go to the zoo. Our friends have a yearly pass, so we got in for FREE!





Z had a great time, he loved feeding the ducks the most almost as much as watching all the people everywhere. Who says you go to the zoo to see animals, once again I was reminded just how much he loves people. He was a little nervous when we were petting the goats but overall loved his first trip to the zoo.


And, of course we had to finish with a ride on the carousel! Can you tell he was really ready for a nap? Too much to look at to be cranky but those little tired eyes say it all. He was out before we even left the parking lot!


Happy weekend!